I havent posted for a couple of weeks because I've been super busy at work and mega stressed. It waasn't until today when I was listning to the radio when this amazingly STUPID mental illness awareness advert came on. It went something like this. . .
Voice in "sane" persons head: O no theres susan, shes been off with depression for several weeks. What do I say to her? I could ask her how her kid is? But what happens if she then says our kids should have a play date and she cant cope and something happens to our kids. Maybe I should just ask her how she is.
'Sane' Person says: Hi Susan, how you doing?
Susan: Yeah im not too bad, have my ups and downs but generaly good. How about you.
'Sane' person: O yeah can't compain
Fin
Like WTF! Is that really what the British govenment think is the best way to solve depression in the work place? I mean, I think that advert is worse than people just being ignorant to it.
The difficulties I can see in the work place is that I don't want to tell people let alone discuss my mental health issues. Why? Well its obvious, I dont want people to think im not capable. Im a young professional trying to make a name myself, im working my ass off trying to get as much responsibility and expereince as I can. The last thing I want is people tip toeing around me.
However saying that sometimes I do need to take the odd day off to gather myself together, take afternoons off to go to the doctors etc. and I can see you some people will need weeks off if the have a mental breakdown or something simular.
This advert is a backwards step in my eyes. The campaign should do one of two things. 1. be focused on increaseing awareness - a general message of depression stats in work, let people know that they are not alone and that its okay to be depressed at work, it doesnt effect how you work and shouldnt be a taboo factor. 2. It should let people who are suffering at the work place where and how they can get support. Let them know there are doctors and therapists and general medical support there to help them get back on their feet.
This is such a tough topic as a lot of businesses are so cut throat, I guess this is why so many people have breakdowns at work. However this LAME attempt to tackle the issue is awful, just awful. This has made it more awkward for me to discuss my mental health in the office work place, even with my friends who are collegues.
People should know that if this is an issue they should talk to their doctor or therapist. They can be incredibly helpful and make sure you get the support you need in tellin gyour employer and how to get back on you feet and back to work as quickly as possible.
Rant over. . . . Stupid British Govenment #epicfail
Showing posts with label psychotic depression blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychotic depression blog. Show all posts
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Monday, 23 January 2012
Depression Killed My Sex Life !
Thats right I said it!
Almost three years with psychotic depression, you can fingure the rest out! To be perfectly honest for the mass majority of the time I havent really wanted to have sex. Firstly because I was concentrating on more important things. . . like not dying. Secondly because the drugs I'm on literaly kill your sex drive. However almost three years down the line and ive started thinking about dating again.
In the last two weeks I have started dating someone. For the first date I had all the normal nervs about, will they like me, do I look good? what to wear and where to go! It went awsome by the way, cos I know you wanted to ask. However on the second date we really started talking and getting to know each other. Not that we didnt on the first date, but the first date was more like your favourite film and music taste. The second date was like family and love history and stuff.
I was constatly thinking, do I tell them that I have a mental illness? Like how will they react, some people are really cool and then share something very personal about them. Others get really freaked out (I blame it on the public ignorance of depression).
I came to the conclusion that it was only the second date. Hopefully there will be more time to open up about sensitive issues, and idealy not in a restaurant. However this was an epic fail. After the dinner we came back to my house. This is because my parents were out and I basically never get the place to myself to chill with firneds (or dates).
As you do, we were just mucking about and being silly. My date then got ontop my laptop and we were looking at silly videos and stuff. However my internet history then decided to get revenge on me. No not porn. . . you are disgusting for coming to such a conclusion. No, it was actually this darn blog that I love so much. On my drop down menu this blog is described by its title, "Psychotic Depression of A Student Blog" . . . . . can't really argue with it. Says what it is!
I have never seen such a moment killer. They didnt say anything, they just kind of stopped dead. Like not even subtle, just laughing their head off and then dead scilence. I panicked and instead of explaining myself which probably would have been the best thing to do. I just ignored it and pretended it didnt happen and carried on searching for things on the laptop.
I have not heard from said date yet since saturday! Damn you psychotic depression, you just keep on finding ways to fuck me over! O well, a lesson has been learnt. . . . maybe. . . . delete browsing histroy :p.
No im joking, hopefully in the future I will be able to be honest and disguss these things with people and not make too much of a big deal out of it. . . . . maybe lolz! :(
Almost three years with psychotic depression, you can fingure the rest out! To be perfectly honest for the mass majority of the time I havent really wanted to have sex. Firstly because I was concentrating on more important things. . . like not dying. Secondly because the drugs I'm on literaly kill your sex drive. However almost three years down the line and ive started thinking about dating again.
In the last two weeks I have started dating someone. For the first date I had all the normal nervs about, will they like me, do I look good? what to wear and where to go! It went awsome by the way, cos I know you wanted to ask. However on the second date we really started talking and getting to know each other. Not that we didnt on the first date, but the first date was more like your favourite film and music taste. The second date was like family and love history and stuff.
I was constatly thinking, do I tell them that I have a mental illness? Like how will they react, some people are really cool and then share something very personal about them. Others get really freaked out (I blame it on the public ignorance of depression).
I came to the conclusion that it was only the second date. Hopefully there will be more time to open up about sensitive issues, and idealy not in a restaurant. However this was an epic fail. After the dinner we came back to my house. This is because my parents were out and I basically never get the place to myself to chill with firneds (or dates).
As you do, we were just mucking about and being silly. My date then got ontop my laptop and we were looking at silly videos and stuff. However my internet history then decided to get revenge on me. No not porn. . . you are disgusting for coming to such a conclusion. No, it was actually this darn blog that I love so much. On my drop down menu this blog is described by its title, "Psychotic Depression of A Student Blog" . . . . . can't really argue with it. Says what it is!
I have never seen such a moment killer. They didnt say anything, they just kind of stopped dead. Like not even subtle, just laughing their head off and then dead scilence. I panicked and instead of explaining myself which probably would have been the best thing to do. I just ignored it and pretended it didnt happen and carried on searching for things on the laptop.
I have not heard from said date yet since saturday! Damn you psychotic depression, you just keep on finding ways to fuck me over! O well, a lesson has been learnt. . . . maybe. . . . delete browsing histroy :p.
No im joking, hopefully in the future I will be able to be honest and disguss these things with people and not make too much of a big deal out of it. . . . . maybe lolz! :(
Thursday, 29 December 2011
A New Year, A New Me?
Its that time of year where everyone says "new year, a new me". Not just people with mental health issues or depression but pretty much everyone. Personaly, I hate this concept. Its the idea that a un-influential date can help change someones life. I mean im all for it in theroy and to the 10% of people it works for thats great, but i've never had it work for me and I reckon it can be a rather damaging concpet to people with psychotic depression.
When I was at the worst of my illness I would use any date or occassion as a turning point in my struggle. New Years, new achedemic year, birthdays, end of exams, moving house, the list is endless. For the first few weeks all kinda goes well. You make a few changes here and there, you see a few improvements etc. However for people with non-mental illness's this is where it just kinda ends. You stop going to the gym in feburary after buying a years pass but its all fine cos everything just goes back to normal and you get on with your non-gym life. This never happened for me and I dont think this is how it works for most mental illness sufferers.
When the time comes when you realise that this new begining hasn't been a field of roses and your actually not as different and perfect as you thought you were, I alwaysed plumited back into depression and in most occassions became worse than I was when I started the "new me". The idea of failing to a psychotic depression suferer is horrible. You feel like you have let the world down, and that they hate you. This used to make me paranoid, that people were calling me failiure and I just spirled back into a deep depression. It was one step forward and two steps back.
This post isn't all doom and gloom though. I found a way to use this concept effectivly and hopefully this will work for other people too. As humans, our natual habbit is to aim for perfection. This makes us set almost impossible goals. If you want this new year to have a lot of change, then set yourself smaller acheivable goals. Don't simply say your going to change with no idea how or say that your going to be the perfect person. I started with smaller ones. I remember my first goal set was to go 50 days without self harm. I read a post secret entry by a girl who said that she was suicidal and 50 days later was so thankful she was still alive. So thats where I got 50 days from. I had a book with a tally in and each day would write how I felt to see if I got better.
Don't get me wrong I wasnt saved after 50 days but I did feel like I had acheived something. From self harming everyday I had gone almost 2 months without. Try set yourself little goals like that, its doesnt have to be 50 days, it could be a week or whatever suits your condiiton. Reward yourself with little victorys dont overwhelm youself with massive defeats.
I hope this helps you set some reaslistic New Year goals. My one this year is to go swimming once a week for 2 months. The excercise helps me feel energised and less depressed and I always have good thinking time in the pool as no one distracts you. Happy New Year x
When I was at the worst of my illness I would use any date or occassion as a turning point in my struggle. New Years, new achedemic year, birthdays, end of exams, moving house, the list is endless. For the first few weeks all kinda goes well. You make a few changes here and there, you see a few improvements etc. However for people with non-mental illness's this is where it just kinda ends. You stop going to the gym in feburary after buying a years pass but its all fine cos everything just goes back to normal and you get on with your non-gym life. This never happened for me and I dont think this is how it works for most mental illness sufferers.
When the time comes when you realise that this new begining hasn't been a field of roses and your actually not as different and perfect as you thought you were, I alwaysed plumited back into depression and in most occassions became worse than I was when I started the "new me". The idea of failing to a psychotic depression suferer is horrible. You feel like you have let the world down, and that they hate you. This used to make me paranoid, that people were calling me failiure and I just spirled back into a deep depression. It was one step forward and two steps back.
This post isn't all doom and gloom though. I found a way to use this concept effectivly and hopefully this will work for other people too. As humans, our natual habbit is to aim for perfection. This makes us set almost impossible goals. If you want this new year to have a lot of change, then set yourself smaller acheivable goals. Don't simply say your going to change with no idea how or say that your going to be the perfect person. I started with smaller ones. I remember my first goal set was to go 50 days without self harm. I read a post secret entry by a girl who said that she was suicidal and 50 days later was so thankful she was still alive. So thats where I got 50 days from. I had a book with a tally in and each day would write how I felt to see if I got better.
Don't get me wrong I wasnt saved after 50 days but I did feel like I had acheived something. From self harming everyday I had gone almost 2 months without. Try set yourself little goals like that, its doesnt have to be 50 days, it could be a week or whatever suits your condiiton. Reward yourself with little victorys dont overwhelm youself with massive defeats.
I hope this helps you set some reaslistic New Year goals. My one this year is to go swimming once a week for 2 months. The excercise helps me feel energised and less depressed and I always have good thinking time in the pool as no one distracts you. Happy New Year x
Monday, 28 November 2011
Psychotic Depression: A Battle You Must Fight On Your Own
Men are at war with each other because each man is at war with himself. ~ Francis Meehan
I beleive that when talking about psychotic depression we should refer to it as a war. Battles will be both won and lost, but when we put our mind to overcoming depression we must be prepared to fight. No war can be won single handedly, a leader needs an army. However an army can not be blindly lead into battle.
Realising that you have a mental illness takes the wind out of your lungs. I burried my head in the sand for many months, letting it escalate and spiral out of control. I think there is a moment in everyones stories of any mental illness where in your head, like a lost king you declare war in order to get your mind to a peaceful state. If you haven't, think about it, no one can overcome this but you. I remember making this declaration when I was in my worst state, I was weak and literaly moments away from not having a life. I awoke in a hospital bed and there and then, in the worst possible state made a decision full of pride and strength, that this illness will not defeat me.
To make this decision you truely have to beleive in yourself. It takes everything that you think your not. But once you have made it, like a promise to God, your fight can truely begin. To be honest, what makes this more difficult, like any war is that at the begining you can see no end. You have no idea how the battles will be fought, who you are fighting against or how your going to win, but you have faith.
Im not saying you need to fight your illness on your own. There are firends, family, care workers, doctors and bloggers who will all fight on your side. But it is the decision to fight that must come from you and only you. You need to beleive this is a war you are going to win, even if all the odds are stacked against you. We are all Davids and this is our goliath.
I decided to fight my war almost 3 years ago and I am still fighting everyday. Hundreds of little battles, but everyone I fight, I feel a little closer to the goal I am working too. This is your mind, your life and your fight, but everyone wants you to win.
I feel this post has a very agressive tone to it, but I want you to be inspired to rise like a pheonix. I always felt very angry and bitter at having a mental illness. I felt why me? why do I have to take the hard road in life. But I channeled my anger into trying to overcome this. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. The fight will teach us all hundreds of lessons which will in turn make us better people.
I hope most of you are already fighting this war with me, everyday making a tiny bit of ground in conquering your mind. If you are not, why not join this revolution of mentally ill people fighting, so we can be free?
I beleive that when talking about psychotic depression we should refer to it as a war. Battles will be both won and lost, but when we put our mind to overcoming depression we must be prepared to fight. No war can be won single handedly, a leader needs an army. However an army can not be blindly lead into battle.
Realising that you have a mental illness takes the wind out of your lungs. I burried my head in the sand for many months, letting it escalate and spiral out of control. I think there is a moment in everyones stories of any mental illness where in your head, like a lost king you declare war in order to get your mind to a peaceful state. If you haven't, think about it, no one can overcome this but you. I remember making this declaration when I was in my worst state, I was weak and literaly moments away from not having a life. I awoke in a hospital bed and there and then, in the worst possible state made a decision full of pride and strength, that this illness will not defeat me.
To make this decision you truely have to beleive in yourself. It takes everything that you think your not. But once you have made it, like a promise to God, your fight can truely begin. To be honest, what makes this more difficult, like any war is that at the begining you can see no end. You have no idea how the battles will be fought, who you are fighting against or how your going to win, but you have faith.
Im not saying you need to fight your illness on your own. There are firends, family, care workers, doctors and bloggers who will all fight on your side. But it is the decision to fight that must come from you and only you. You need to beleive this is a war you are going to win, even if all the odds are stacked against you. We are all Davids and this is our goliath.
I decided to fight my war almost 3 years ago and I am still fighting everyday. Hundreds of little battles, but everyone I fight, I feel a little closer to the goal I am working too. This is your mind, your life and your fight, but everyone wants you to win.
I feel this post has a very agressive tone to it, but I want you to be inspired to rise like a pheonix. I always felt very angry and bitter at having a mental illness. I felt why me? why do I have to take the hard road in life. But I channeled my anger into trying to overcome this. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. The fight will teach us all hundreds of lessons which will in turn make us better people.
I hope most of you are already fighting this war with me, everyday making a tiny bit of ground in conquering your mind. If you are not, why not join this revolution of mentally ill people fighting, so we can be free?
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Am I Me. . . Or Is It The Medication Talking
I have been meds for almost 3 years now. To be honest I dont really remember not being on them. One a night before bed every night. My little Psychotic Depression routine, almost like brushing your teeth.
I have always wondered if all the things that have changed in the last three years are due to getting older? getting better? or just being drugged up to the max? It's not really a bad thing. . . I do like who I have become, I have good friends, I enjoy normal hobbies, I don't have any more mood swings or halusinations. . . but sometimes I feel all these things may not have been done out of free will. Its a really strange feeling of being trapped in a body, a life where I can't contol anything.
I mean a lot of this is on quite a deep level, some of it spirital, some of it really trippy. . . . but some of it is really shallow and stupid. For example before I had a mental illness I hated Mushrooms. . . now I love them. its crazy but what if its not me who loves the mushrooms but the medication that makes me love them.
I guess at the end of the day there is apart of me that doesnt like / fears being dependent and reliant on mediacation. Pumping the body with unatual things is obviously not the best way to live your life. This probably is an issue for many people, not just the meantaly ill.
If I ever get a solid conclusion to this or find a possible solution that puts me at ease, rest assure I will share it with you all.
All I know is it is important that you follow the medications rules, always do as your doctor tells you and never take medication use into your own hands and never go cold turkey . . . in fact thats going to be my next post later this week, "Why not to go Cold Turkey and Why I Did".
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