It's no secret that life is short. We never know how long we have but everyone knows its not long enough. I've had depression for almost 4 years now. Thats a huge time period of time, almost a 6th of my life so far. I started thinking about what this illness has cost me?
My first thought went to where many humans minds wonder too, money. 4 years of medication and perscriptions. Doesnt ever seem that much when you buy antibiotics once a year for a throat infection. But regular perscriptions costs me aroun £120 a year. So thats £480 quid on medication ive spent and I aint finished adding to my tab. That is bloody ridiclious, I can only image how much is costs in America. Anyway thats just money right, doesnt mean that much. Then I started thining about how much effort I put into getting my perscriptions.
Doctors, GPS, Nurses, Psycological Specialists, Theropists, Psychosis Nurses and Pharmasists. . . I have spent hours, ney days with all these ppl. Doing tests, check ups, meetings blah blah. Yes loads of it has been worth it, im not trying to say its not. . . im just saying thats all time and energy im not getting back and waiting in skanky waiting rooms is my idea of fun.
I also think being mental can be like being drunk to an extend. I don;t know what im doing and I do a lot of stupid things. On bad trips ive broke things, purchased random things. both online and on angry trips to town. Oh ive also had to buy a lot of sorry presents for people. In fairness I always was good at buying sorry presents.
3 Days in hospital, that was fun. 3 days of lying around being pumped dry not really acheiving anything (except getting my life back).
Almost lost 27K by stuggling through uni. I mean im lucky cos I didn't, I passed with a 2:1 . . . . but it wasnt easy. Got stressed easy, found deadlines hard, concentration was low, I had a few extensions and stuff to help me but I can image a lot more people stuggling more than I did.
I think the point im trying to get accross is that we sacrafise a lot in the effort to get better. Is it worth it? Hell yes! But its just one of those things that makes a hard life harder. Looking back my list is rather pathetic, im sure if other people made a list there would be the loss of jobs, marraiges, loves ones, homes, family etc. Sometimes I dont think its fair what we are given to deal with. None the less we deal with it. And you know what I have respect for every single sufferer who has had to sacrafice things to get better. It is a sign of will power and strength.
Showing posts with label fighting depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fighting depression. Show all posts
Monday, 5 March 2012
Monday, 28 November 2011
Psychotic Depression: A Battle You Must Fight On Your Own
Men are at war with each other because each man is at war with himself. ~ Francis Meehan
I beleive that when talking about psychotic depression we should refer to it as a war. Battles will be both won and lost, but when we put our mind to overcoming depression we must be prepared to fight. No war can be won single handedly, a leader needs an army. However an army can not be blindly lead into battle.
Realising that you have a mental illness takes the wind out of your lungs. I burried my head in the sand for many months, letting it escalate and spiral out of control. I think there is a moment in everyones stories of any mental illness where in your head, like a lost king you declare war in order to get your mind to a peaceful state. If you haven't, think about it, no one can overcome this but you. I remember making this declaration when I was in my worst state, I was weak and literaly moments away from not having a life. I awoke in a hospital bed and there and then, in the worst possible state made a decision full of pride and strength, that this illness will not defeat me.
To make this decision you truely have to beleive in yourself. It takes everything that you think your not. But once you have made it, like a promise to God, your fight can truely begin. To be honest, what makes this more difficult, like any war is that at the begining you can see no end. You have no idea how the battles will be fought, who you are fighting against or how your going to win, but you have faith.
Im not saying you need to fight your illness on your own. There are firends, family, care workers, doctors and bloggers who will all fight on your side. But it is the decision to fight that must come from you and only you. You need to beleive this is a war you are going to win, even if all the odds are stacked against you. We are all Davids and this is our goliath.
I decided to fight my war almost 3 years ago and I am still fighting everyday. Hundreds of little battles, but everyone I fight, I feel a little closer to the goal I am working too. This is your mind, your life and your fight, but everyone wants you to win.
I feel this post has a very agressive tone to it, but I want you to be inspired to rise like a pheonix. I always felt very angry and bitter at having a mental illness. I felt why me? why do I have to take the hard road in life. But I channeled my anger into trying to overcome this. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. The fight will teach us all hundreds of lessons which will in turn make us better people.
I hope most of you are already fighting this war with me, everyday making a tiny bit of ground in conquering your mind. If you are not, why not join this revolution of mentally ill people fighting, so we can be free?
I beleive that when talking about psychotic depression we should refer to it as a war. Battles will be both won and lost, but when we put our mind to overcoming depression we must be prepared to fight. No war can be won single handedly, a leader needs an army. However an army can not be blindly lead into battle.
Realising that you have a mental illness takes the wind out of your lungs. I burried my head in the sand for many months, letting it escalate and spiral out of control. I think there is a moment in everyones stories of any mental illness where in your head, like a lost king you declare war in order to get your mind to a peaceful state. If you haven't, think about it, no one can overcome this but you. I remember making this declaration when I was in my worst state, I was weak and literaly moments away from not having a life. I awoke in a hospital bed and there and then, in the worst possible state made a decision full of pride and strength, that this illness will not defeat me.
To make this decision you truely have to beleive in yourself. It takes everything that you think your not. But once you have made it, like a promise to God, your fight can truely begin. To be honest, what makes this more difficult, like any war is that at the begining you can see no end. You have no idea how the battles will be fought, who you are fighting against or how your going to win, but you have faith.
Im not saying you need to fight your illness on your own. There are firends, family, care workers, doctors and bloggers who will all fight on your side. But it is the decision to fight that must come from you and only you. You need to beleive this is a war you are going to win, even if all the odds are stacked against you. We are all Davids and this is our goliath.
I decided to fight my war almost 3 years ago and I am still fighting everyday. Hundreds of little battles, but everyone I fight, I feel a little closer to the goal I am working too. This is your mind, your life and your fight, but everyone wants you to win.
I feel this post has a very agressive tone to it, but I want you to be inspired to rise like a pheonix. I always felt very angry and bitter at having a mental illness. I felt why me? why do I have to take the hard road in life. But I channeled my anger into trying to overcome this. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. The fight will teach us all hundreds of lessons which will in turn make us better people.
I hope most of you are already fighting this war with me, everyday making a tiny bit of ground in conquering your mind. If you are not, why not join this revolution of mentally ill people fighting, so we can be free?
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