It has been one year and six months since I left the hospital but boy does it feel like it was yesterday. Since leaving hospital I took the risky but neccessary decision to move away from family, friends and support to live in a city I had never been to before in order to complete a work placement. I was advised that this was not a great move but in order to complete my degree i had to do a 12 month placement. Because I spent all my time in 2nd year in and out of hospital and being ill I had missed out on applying for all the good placements. I was stuck in a strange city, with two housemate I had never met before doing telemarketing.
It has been a tough year and I will blog about all the things I learnt and experienced which hopefully will help others with simular illnesses realise that you can find inner strength to do things you would never think possible.
Currently I am returning to universsity which means i will have a lot more time to update this and will be blogging regularly. I am returning to the place where my depression began. I have to admit im preety anxious to be seeing all the places where I had scaring memories and horrible experiences. I am also scared about seeing some face of people who watched me spiral into depression. Will they forgive me, understant, or have they judged me and going to socialy cripple me with gossip and rumors.
My old housemate is the person I am dreading bumbing into. He was my best friend at uni, he watchmed me as my world collapsed and he stood by and did nothing. No support, no comfort, just steped back and watched me crashed. He then took the opportunity to take everything I was clinging onto, my firnds, my uni work and even the girl I liked. One year later I am going to have to face my dear and see him again. I beleive I have changed so much in a year, I feel more positive, strong, I feel like a completely different person while never feeling so much like myself at the same time.
I want to tell everyone that although life is harder for people like us with an illness, we can do things that we might of thought impossible. We can meet new people, get new jobs, even blend in with people who dont have depressive ilnesses. If you have an illness know that you CAN change and life WILL change its just finding that strength to start getting better and i believer that the strength lies in everyone you just need to ignite it!
Peace and Love
Anonymous
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Well said. All the best for everything- this has made you a stronger and better person, you'll see:)
ReplyDeleteFor 14 yrs I have been dealing with my husbands 'depression', including very violent outbursts. Bouncing between doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists, having up to 11 tablets a day. He's been told he has ADHD, bipolar, major depressive disorder etc. Only recently was the word 'psychotic' mentioned, and it made a lot of sense. You say things can, and do get better, (and I'm glad they have for you), but when..... It's now not only his mental state I'm worried about.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous - you have touched on a very important topic that I hadn't thought about in depth. "when do things get better". I have decided to write about this in the next post so come back in a couple of days time and see if it makes any sense to you or helps? :)
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